It's hard to hold all of the pain inside of me, but I know I can't let it out. Every time I open my eyes I know I run the risk of driving more people away from me, of making more people go away and more people want to hurt me. Life hurts.. breathing hurts. It hurts to breathe, because I know that when I breathe I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm still in pain, and I have to go on. I have to go on. I can't give up, because some day everything might be all right. Some day everything may come back and I might be happy again, I might get to see the smile of the century and be held again. I might get to curl up in his bed sound asleep and know that everything will be all right, because in the morning he'll smile at me sleepily and reach his arms out for me, wiggling his fingers at me because he wants to hold me close. Some day things will be all right... some day... some day...
I cling to hope and no one believes that it might be okay, I'm all alone in this, so alone... I'm always alone. I can't help it, I can't help but think and dream and wish because it makes me feel so happy inside, like everything is beautiful, the world is beautiful again. But... I just want to cry, and I can't, because every time a tear falls from my beautiful blue eyes it means that one more person can either hurt me or leave... or both.
I just want someone to hold me and let the tears fall.
~~~~~~~
Yeah. It's later. I'm adding.
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So much time on my hands. I wish that Samantha girl would come online so I'd have someone to talk to, she seems like she'd understand me without me even having to open my mouth. Heh... when I said that I got a very visual image of blood dripping down my lips, looking like I'd eaten cherries or something. Very nice. Yess.. very nice. People must think I'm insane. Nah... I'm not insane. Mike, Charles, no worries, I'll be fine. Anyone else reading this.. no, I'm not. :P Ah well. Email me. Talk to me. Is anyone out there?