Meh. Got chewed out today for not showing up at a meeting that no one was sure if we had. Greeeeat.
I feel like I'm drifting lately, like I'm just a shadow of what I once was. I keep talking and interacting but inside... I feel like I'm burning and freezing at the same time, seething with anger and fading into cold oblivion. Sometimes I wish I could just dissolve into a puddle of blood, drip by drip... drip... drip...
But then again, it's way too easy to pretend that everything's okay.
If I had a dollar for every time I've unintentionally hurt someone's feelings or made them pissed off at me, I'd probably have enough to buy my way to heaven. I don't think at this point I could get there on my own.
My friend count is dropping like flies sealed in a jar with vinegar. Even the ones that have known me the longest, known how pained I get when I'm upset, know that I can't handle my emotions when I'm this upset. I have panic attacks. I want to hurt myself. But... everyone leaves. Why does everyone always leave me when I need them the most?