It's sort of scary. I keep a razor in my room in case I need to shave my legs in a hurry or something, and I found myself rubbing it against my knuckles without even realizing it. I want to hurt myself sooo bad... It's as if it's irresistible, I want to see myself bleed. I'm bored and lonely, and that's what I seem to want to do. I don't understand it at all.
I have dreams about it, about people telling me I can cut myself, Aaron and Mike saying "It's okay, go ahead, we're here for you", and I can just let it flow... it feels so good, orgasmic even, like everything is flowing free and my problems are suspended in space, I'm free...
I wish I could fly.