I need to be forgiven.
I've done so many horrible things to so many people without even realizing it. I've been such a bad person in my life, and I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to fix it. I don't know how to remedy the situations I've put myself in, been forced into. I don't know why I'm the way I am, why I'm such a cynical bitter youth with nothing left to look forward to and nothing but pain behind me. What is there in life? What's the point of me being here? I need a purpose, I need to know what I'm doing here. I need more than being a walking corpse through school, and going to art club every two weeks. I need more than coming online and staring at the wall, feeling equally cold inside and out. I need more than the pain coming from words on this broken screen, screaming in agony on the inside, not making a sound.
WHY am I here?
What is it that I'm supposed to accomplish in life? I refuse to accept that I'm here because my parents felt horny, and that's it in its entirety. I have absolutely no desire to simply be a product of three minutes of pleasure and 18 years of regret. I don't want to be the regret of everyone who's met me. I don't want to be the one everyone makes fun of and doesn't want to get to know. I want to be free, I want to have fun and enjoy life... this is supposed to be the best year of my life and I want to hurt myself, constantly. I have no desire to live... I'm not suicidal. I simply don't feel any reason to be here.
I feel like running away from life, and starting as a new person. Wiping my memory and becoming free. I need to be free. I want to feel free again, like I did... before. Before my whole world burned to the ground, and I was left in the center of a circle of destruction, wondering where my life had gone.