Mike told me... to see if I could wait three weeks this time, until I next cut.
Yesterday I cut a small heart into the inside of my arm, near the elbow.
It was healing, to see it bleeding. To see this small, tiny, crooked heart bursting forth with my life's fluids, just as my heart beating sadly inside of me does, every morning, every night.
Every moment that I'm awake, every moment when I'm dreaming.
It's Christmas, and I cut. I'll open my presents and play with my family with cuts on my arms. I feel so guilty, and it makes me want to vomit... tears and blood.
I can't escape.
I can't get out.
I can't give up.
But it would be so easy...