At times, I wonder if life was easier in the past. Coloring books, grass stains, the dog as my best friend... the screaming, the fights, the times I curled up against my puffalump and cried myself to sleep, putting my pillow over my head so my hearing was obscured. Running down the stairs on soft, childish feet and hearing my father yell at me (daddyyou'veneveryelledatmebefore...whatdididowrong?) to go back to bed, because it's not any of my business... because my mother threw a chair at him. The times when my mother held me by my arm and put a lit match in front of my face because I was terrified of fire. The counseling. The separation. Going to my father's mistress' house on Christmas day, and receiving school supplies, which I promptly shoved in the back of my closet. Wondering why, if she "loved" my father, she didn't know that I abhorred school.
daddy'slittlegirlhasgrownupnow...andseenthewaythatherlifehasgone. daddy'slittlegirlisallalone...wonderingwhereitwentwrong.
Snow falls like tears, soft and light, or harsh, whipping the hair around my pale face, making me wonder if I deserve the pain. I never knew what it felt like to be a child... and I never knew that I wasn't one.
igrewupreadingnovels...discussingphilosophy,soyoung,sofrail. igrewupwithscreamingnightmares...theonlychildontheblockwithskinsopale.
I never knew what it was like to fall asleep and feel safe.
I never knew what it was like to wake up and feel as if the world was mine to take.
Perhaps it's time to try.
sometimesit'stoohardtodoanythingbutsleep...butsometimes, ineedmorethantocry.