I've been noticing things about myself lately that I don't quite like. The jealousy, the paranoia, everything has been coming crashing back like black ocean waves slickened with oil that seeks to cling to me until I can't breathe anymore (why can't i breathe anymore...), and it seems as if the world has ended in suffocating darkness. I am so angry about being left alone for so long, (alone, always alone) and I am unable to rectify my needs with the needs of others, though I know that I am not the most important. There are so many people who need me... though they drain my energy as if it is putty to be played with, needy and wanting so very badly but I am unable to say no, for I love them all. Each hold so tightly to me and I wish so desperately that I could help... and yet the sun has set on my time, and it is time for me to leave. The depression, anxiety and panic have grown worse and worse over the last few days and I cannot stop its progression. There is nothing I can do but continue the meager fighting that I hold so desperately to... I hope that you will forgive me for I am leaving these shores...