Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I am sucked back into this game? No matter what I do, the stupidity with which I currently function seems to be something I cannot escape. I am insane. I am doing this to myself. My pain is the product of my weakness.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I insane?
Am I fucking crazy?
And normally, I very rarely curse in this diary. Normally I write very poetically with metaphors abound.
Now I'm angry.
Now I am angry, and I don't know what to do. I'm angry and in the clutches of mental disorders that rock me backwards with terrible fears and anxieties that make me want to curl up in a ball under my desk and wait for death or my cat to come and eat me. It makes me want to scream until I can't breathe because the world is coming to an end and I can't stop it. I don't know why I keep subjecting myself to this kind of life.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I've lost it. I'm insane. I am certifiably insane and I can't handle this anymore. It's like I'm a masochist, I like to be kicked around, I like to be treated like shit.
And I haven't even said anything yet.
Just thinking about this is doing this to me.