And I'm bleeding again.
The obsession is gone... I've done what I wanted to do, and now the resignation of blood has flooded through me. Does this help? But it is a distraction, and it draws me away from the pain that I feel on the inside that threatens to overwhelm me. It burns, and it hurts, and it lingers. It floods through me and I get to apply salvation (pretty band-aids make the world brighter) and heal myself, as I cannot heal the agony inside.
Punished.
Why must I be punished? Why, through no fault of my own, have I been punished so thoroughly that I must now punish myself? It makes no sense (i truly have saved lives, and yet i can't even save my own), and now I am alone, in the darkness, as I am every night... as I will be.
Every.
Single.
Night.