Sometimes when I close my eyes all I can see are the disillusioned stars that suddenly fade from vision. All I can be is an empty shell, encasing desolation, a world afraid to leave and afraid to stay, though the fires are succumbing the ocean of drowning tears. Unable to breathe/sleep/think/feel; numb and yet still afraid. How can someone be afraid when everything is so hopeless that there are no words for the lack of emotions? At times desperation to free myself from these chains devours me, calls to me, and yet guilt, promises made in faulty bargaining, hold me back. Everything is guilt.. every word I speak prompted by a desire to please those lest i disappoint.
And yet I still crave what I cannot have.
(damn all of you that refuse to let me have what i need!)