At times, it slams into me with the force of a violent explosion how much I've lost, and not entirely through fault of my own. It's so very terribly easy to miscontrue the meaning behind words. "I'd like to cry now" is negative to most; crying is a victory to me, as I can't do it often. It means that I've relaxed enough to be able to let my emotions run free. The only wish I have in life is to make others happy; to help relieve them of their stress, sadness, anger. If I speak of my own troubles, I'm "an emotional leech" who is endlessly self-centered and self-serving. If I don't speak of my troubles, another feels guilty and upset because they are the sort who take on the troubles of others without meaning to or trying to, and become endlessly frustrated when there is no "quick fix." When they feel I need fucking "professional help." Perhaps no help would be needed if others would stop forcing themselves upon my emotions and damn near raping them with violent force that they feel is necessary to "take away" any traces of sadness and "save me" from myself and the world. I am not a child. I do not need to be put in a little plastic bubble to protect me from the hurts of society and the hurts of myself. If someone would have the maturity to be able to have some sort of relationship - be it friendship or otherwise - that was not dependent, in the way that their mood depends on mine, and did not merely give up and walk away when all of their heroic efforts to "heal" me failed, perhaps there would be some "opportunity for growth." Perhaps all their miserable wishes would come true. If someone wishes to help me, they need to realize that I am not a child, and I do not need a band-aid. I need someone who has grown up enough to realize that they cannot take my problems from me and fix them as if they were their own. I am my own person. Let me be me, instead of who you want me to be. If you care about me, give me a break here and stop treating me like I'm an emotional invalid who hurts everyone she knows. I am not some fucking victim and I am sick and tired of everyone claiming that that is all I wish to be. If you stopped acting so foolishly and attempting to mother me into submission, perhaps you wouldn't feel that I'm such an undesirable person to be around.