At times, I can't help but wonder what my purpose in life is. I don't understand what it is that I'm supposed to be doing here and am left feeling directionless, purposeless. The world seems to be a betrayal of the lessons I learned in my youth; everything I'd ever thought and dreamed has come crashing down on me. Every movement, breath, thought, tradition is wrong and has always been wrong. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I'm doing waking up every morning. This world makes no sense to me. It's always been observed that I was born in the wrong time and it seems as if there has never been truer words spoken. So many things baffle me and I simply cannot understand why some have such radically different ideas and cannot even begin to comprehend some of the morals that I hold dear to me. I feel alien and useless. I feel as if everything I need and want to be is out of date and foreign to this world. I feel lost. Ilanen, isn't it? A word Logan used once, in one of his posts, I think. I could be spelling it wrong, but the intent is there; we're all lost here. "Some things you lose, and some things you just give away..." How much have I given away that I should have held on tighter to? How many things have I compromised and given up until I can no longer recognize the person that stares back at me in the mirror? There is no understanding left and no will and purpose in breathing. Promises made and promises kept, but I can't help feeling as if I'm missing something fundamentally important to my survival.
All I know is that I'm not meant to be here.