n.
1. The basic, central, or critical point or feature: the crux of the matter; the crux of an argument.
2. A puzzling or apparently insoluble problem.
C is for crux. C is for cutting. One in the same. Right now, it's the critical point of my sanity - an insoluble problem that I can't fathom. I need this. And yet - damn these summer months - damn this, that it's such a taboo thing. It's my body. I am an adult. And yet -
And yet, if my mother finds out, I am dead.
Few and far between, my relief - not many places I can do this. And there is nothing I can do about this. It is not socially acceptable and it is not considered something a sane, normal person would do. My mother would institutionalize me and therefore, I have to drive myself to the brink of insanity to prove that I'm sane.
An insoluble problem indeed.