n.
A psychological defense mechanism in which specific, anxiety-provoking thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations are separated from the rest of the psyche.
Every memory I have - there are no emotions attached to them. Not one. Every major event from my childhood is blocked off - every anxiety-creating event stops after a feeling of being thrown into cold water, then blackness. Every memory after I got older has no emotions, no thoughts, no sensations attached to them. I remember nothing. There is nothing.
I spend most of my life dealing with things like this. Feeling distant from the world and feeling as if everything is disjointed, nothing is real and I wonder if I'm really here or if I'm simply dreaming again. Wondering where I am and if it's where I really am or if it's just another dream that I can't stop.
Unable to control this, the darkness within my mind.